Conclusions from a Night of Insomnia

I have come to the upsetting conclusion that I am a living, breathing, contradiction. I consider myself to be completely open-minded, never placing judgment or blame. Can I refrain from laughing at a girl with big hair and Lucky Jeans? No. I dream of becoming an incredible musician, using my talent to transcend reality and express my emotions beyond any written word. Do I sing? Do I tickle the ivories? No and no. I long for a world free of superficial beauty. Yet, can I leave the house without primping? Sadly, no. My biggest desire is to travel the world lending my efforts to those who need it most. Have I ever left the country? No. I have such intense passion for life, yet an insatiable desire to die. Every now and again I catch a glimpse of my purpose in life; within moments it's fleeing. Do I commit to my idea of life's meaning? No.

Listen

Something I wrote in High School

Would you listen to this girl?
Would you listen to what she says?
Can't you hear her?
How she screams for help
She's afraid to tell you what she bears.
He whispers, "Don't say a word to anyone
On you life do you swear?"
Her reply: a silent nod
Do you know what I know?
Do you know what I conceal?
It is terrible, and horrible
And no one can feel what I feel
I deny myself.
I deny my pain.
My life turns
From sunshine into rain
Sweat creeps down callused hands
And as tears slip
He does it again
Scarred, bruised, and broken
To the ground in tears I fall
I wish I could forget
Those bad times
When we are all alone
Those bad times
When no one else is home
And as tears slip he does it again.